I’ve always loved to dance. When I was a little girl I wanted to be either a Dancer when I grew up or a Barmaid (I have achieved the latter….. A Lot).
I love a good old family get together, village hall, buffet made by the Auntie’s and a bar consisting of a wallpapering table covered in a white single bed sheet, hosting warm cans of beer, warm wine and 20 large bottles of warm lemonade systematically exploding every time a child approaches the ‘bar’ for a drink.
I’m first up on the dance floor and the last to leave. My mantra –
“Dance like nobody’s watching!!!”
Which invariably I do, much to the disgust of the MSB, the SSB thinks it’s brilliant and is usually my partner in crime , JD knows there’s no use fighting it anymore and just pretends not to know me.
Now the MSB hasn’t always thought like this, there was a time I was the coolest Mummy in the world for dancing at all the parties or in the living room but then came “The Day of Shame”……
A couple of years ago I took Mumina, MSB and my niece; Bernard to Egypt for our summer holiday. My Brother had just got married and I offered to take Bernard so the newlyweds could enjoy their honeymoon in peace.
Anyway Bernard was OBSESSED with Hannah Montana at the time; she had the bikini, the bag, the back pack and knew all the songs. She was also very excited about “Hannah Montana, the Movie” being released and it just so happened that that was our in-flight movie! All through the holiday I kept catching Bernard singing the beginning of a song (called the Hoedown Throwdown) and trying to do the dance to it - over and over and over again. This eventually did mine, Mumina’s and the MSB’s heads in, we had to intervene and stop this!!! Bernard was adamant she would not stop until she knew the dance.
On returning back to England she studied You Tube and learnt the dance and me being the brilliant dancer that I am couldn’t help but ‘catch on’ to it as well…… And I may have downloaded the song onto my iPod as well.
So there I was a couple of weeks later doing the ASDA big shop, listening to my iPod whilst the MSB did the usual “I’m just going to look at the toys”. I was quite lost in the world of the Dairy Isle, listening to music and then the beats of Hannah Montana start mysteriously moving my limbs……
Before I know it I’m doing the full Hoedown Throwdown dance in the middle of the Dairy Isle.
And then I hear “OH MY GOD!!!! MUUUUUM you have ruined my life”… Everything stopped… It went cold (well I was in the Dairy Isle)….My mantra had come back and bitten me in the arse; about 50 people were staring at me, open mouthed in ASDA. Not good man, not good.
The MSB has never recovered from this and future dance routines have been met with disdain and a stamping out of the room. Examples of this include:
· On me emptying the dishwasher and dancing to Young MC “Know How” in my work suit and slippers ………
“If you continue to do that I shall divorce you as a parent. It is not cool and you look mental”
· On me doing the MC Hammer “Running Man” dance beside the pool on holiday…….
MSB’s Mate - “There’s your Mum, you can ask her for some money for the games room now”
MSB - “That’s not my Mum, I don’t know where she is”
· On me doing the Nicki Manaj “Super Bass” dance in the kitchen the other day……..
JD – “The MSB will never forgive you if he sees you doing that. You better get it out of your system before he gets back from his holiday…”
The MSB prays to the God of 9 Year Olds in the hope to make his Mother stop dancing, but I’m unstoppable and with a family Wedding coming up……
I could win the “Dancer of the Year” award (in my mind).